Updated: Sep 14, 2019
there is light somewhere. it may not be much light but it beats the darkness. be on the watch.
I don't know where to start aside from to say my name is Rory, I'm 6'2", had a boxing fight, trained MMA for a while. I'm covered in tattoos, I have a beard and a deep voice. I have a great, very well paid job. I have travelled the world, I have the respect of my peers and the loyalty and love of a very tight knit group of friends. By most conceivable measures I'm a 'manly man' with a very good life. But I have issues with self esteem, inferiority, paranoia. What you see here is how that manifests itself. I was psychologically abused growing up and because of that at times I 100% believe I'm worthless. Not suspect, at the time I feel like I know.
The purpose of this is simple. In my eyes there is no stigma. No issue too small or trivial. In my head my role is supposed to be that of the protector, the source of strength, so when this happens I also feel like a failure. But the logical side of me knows full well that that's nonsense. If you feel anywhere near approaching this, please talk to someone. I am extremely fortunate. There are 8 people who know the ins and outs of what set me off in this video (they know who they are) and take it from me, it's really not that big a deal. But that's what mental illness is, isn’t it? The distortion of logic and how our thoughts differ from the collectively normalised thought process.
Please don't suffer and think your issues are trivial, speak to someone. If you feel unable to speak to those close to you, please speak to me. If you're lucky in life you get 100 years total and if you're VERY lucky only half of those will be healthy. Please don't live your life with a shadow over you. Walk out from under it. Sometimes the shadow catches up and extends over your path, just keep finding the light. 😊💚